i drew this for lunar new year and finished it last week :x i'm not gonna say much about it though hehe.. but i am trying to draw my own characters more. i really have such a minimal interest in my own characters aside from how they fit into a larger story, but the larger story isn't something i can just have in front of me yet. that's okay though, it's not like i need to be doing anything with them, i just find it kinda funny. i still feel pretty disconnected from what i draw but i think it's because i feel pretty disconnected from most things, probs bc i'm always tired and half-asleep but trying to sleep early is a battle i've been losing since i was like fifteen so who knows if it'll ever happen at this rate. but feeling more present is still one of the things i want the most for my life...
the year is beginning again now that i'm posting this so i want to lay out my goals a bit more than i did in my last entry. i think the biggest thing is that i want to draw at least one one-shot comic this year. i have storyboards for two started but alongside being busy allllllllllllll the time with everyday life things my right arm started freaking out some months ago so i have to slow down a lot on drawing and stuff even more. but i started physical therapy at least and it seems helpful so far so i'm hoping i can get my arm and maybe my wrists in better condition at some point o_o it feels like so much is always going on with me ughhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
my other goals are?? maybe listing them will help me think them thru actually:
draw a one-shot comic
tidy my apartment. i really want to get rid of like so much of my belongings. i feel like i have way too much stuff and i interact with so little of it regularly. if it's not something i'm using or have used i want to get rid of it. i should go watch that marie kondo thing. but honestly the hardest part of getting rid of stuff is like where/how as opposed to the mentality of what to get rid of... because i don't want to just throw things away i want to give them away sustainably. but it's so difficult to do that. i think this is actually my biggest goal it genuinely stresses me out!!! but i'm trying to learn to be more patient and understand that everything takes time.
i also want to tidy my digital life. this includes using my phone way less, which i have so much thoughts about it should honestly just be a diary entry on its own, but i'm tired of thinking about how much i hate smartphones >_< i need to just do it already. but i want to really minimise my online presence and my digital footprint and all that. organise my computer files, move all of my webcomic notes out of discord and onto notepad or something. back things up on my hard drive (even though it never shows up on my computer. part of my issue is that i can never get things done because some time-consuming issue always comes up. i've been trying to accept that life is not a set of ideal conditions with easy results, no matter how much i'm advertised to otherwise...). i went and got a free flashdrive once from microcenter haha it was kind of fun like collecting on a random little promotion. i should put it to use already :d
umm what else. i want to smoke more weed. not much more for me to say there
i want to get back to playing video games but if that doesn't happen this year that's okay q__q i don't know what it is, i guess i feel drawing is such a major priority for me right now because so much time has passed (even if that's my own self-punitive conditions for myself as always) and i haven't drawn anything "substantial" to me in so long... it feels like i can't spend time on something i find time-consuming like a video game. becuase video games to me aren't just playing the game, it's having thoughts about the game, drawing fanart for it etc. i really should figure out something regarding how overwhelmed everything makes me (hence smoking more weed) so that everything i want to do doesn't feel like some trial. like i'm supposed to be enjoying these things not agonising over everything!!!! agghhhh!!!
i think that's it rn. i think if i remember anything else i'll just add onto the list. oh wait i'm remembering now.
i want to get back to reading books. i keep borrowing the same few books from the library and letting them sit in my room (until they are sending me mail about fines...!). i think this goes back to my video games prob where if i have free time i want to be creating things rather than intaking someone else's creation but i really gotta read. once i destroy my phone i'll have the reading time. there's a lot i want to read. i think for some time i wasn't sure what to read because i can't find a lot of new books that interest me but there's a lot of old books i haven't read yet, and i'm more interested in old books, video games, manga and so on right now anyways so. i want to start reading more theory too. i've been stuck on the intro of lauren berlant's on the inconvenience of other people for a while now because i want to annotate the copy but i hate to write inside of a novel so i was reading it on my phone but then i hate to be using my phone so i just don't want to do any of it. it's always some small silly issue like that with me. i need to compromise on something otherwise i won't read it! also i always try to read it (on my phone) on the train when i'm super tired coming home from work and the words sieve through my brain when my brain is already like the ultimate sieve!!!!!
i hit post but i forgot one. i want to go back to thinking about ffxiv.. not playing the game for now (video games again) and its fifteen a month that i don't have. but i miss my wolship. my wolship has everything i could ever want like it's two bunny people with hair that matches their skin tone, one of my favourite design characteristics, and one of my favourite relationship dynamics because it's me inventing the dynamic. i could be luxuriating in the riches of heaven.