i saw a howl's moving castle postcard a couple days ago and how staged the image was reminded me one time i was thinking to myself how ubiquitous the scene where howl swallows calcifer is. and then it occurred to me how calmly and gently and beautifully he swallows a shooting star, so i thought it'd be interesting to draw calcifer burning as he goes down instead. also bc i like to draw someone having a bad time. not like a super bad time, or something unmanageable... more like on the cusp of a bad time... or like something's not exactly right or more than they thought they could handle. at first i thought howl swallowed calcifer because he didn't want to have a heart anymore, and i like when a character has some thing about themselves that they don't like or want to get rid of or change. i thought it'd be appealing to go at it from this cowardly feeling of not wanting to have a heart anymore, and wanting to run away from your strong emotions...and then drawing the unexpectedly painful/overwhelming consequences of that exchange. but i had it wrong, howl apparently saves calcifer because he feels sorry for him... which is actually really noble...! but howl is so far from noble. the combination is his charm. i still like that he's so much of a coward he builds a moving castle so he can always be running away. i like characters who are trying to run away from something a lot too. i'm actually thinking a lot about another character while i'm saying all of this bc ive had a very similar sort of drawing unfinished for a while, where they're struggling with pain (-ful emotions) while something grips at their heart.
btw this is all about the book character howl, despite using the designs from the movie... this drawing was on a whim but it's funny to me how relatable he is, or more like he's easy to make relatable now that i'm remembering he's 27. the indulging in dramatics and crashing out, the vanity, the having a weak heart, running away from unwanted commitments.... (not so much the irresponsible running away from lovers but i think that's pretty common for other dramatic, vain, soft-hearted crash outers. at least in my current late 20s reality it seems that way.) i realised recently a lot of my ideas for things i want to draw come from similarly unstable or unclear feelings: being nervous around the person you like, having to take on some unwanted duty, resignation, anxiety, unease etc. i realised this recently bc ive been more or less anxious the whole year + a few months before that and its really forcing me to learn and face a lot about myself...! 😆😆 i think at least i'm someone who enjoys learning more about myself, almost like i'm being fascinated by some object. so what i want right now is to just keep floundering and stumbling and even crawling on the ground. i'm really into crawling right now. i envy characters like howl who are shameless.